MEAT ME is literally just ME, aka Sean Rice. I am a one man show and I do the best I can to bring you the latest and greatest MEAT content. I do the shooting, the editing, the writing, the interviews, the photos and managing the social media.
After I got back from "fooding" in New Orleans I needed to end an unhealthy relationship that I was living in for 4 years, each day I was suffering from multiple anxiety attacks a day and need to end this abusive relationship.
I was called upon by my parents 3 months ago and asked to move in and take care of my 83 year old grandma. The move took a huge weight off my back but slowly I become unhappy again. Being a caretaker did not involved taking care of me. I am still trying to build on my own freelance graphic business, but was still in need of unemployment, which comes to an end in January.
I currently owe a devastating $310,000 to the IRS from a failed business in 200. Hopefully come Monday, I'll have started filing for Chapter 7. Since the IRS audit in 2008, the same day I got out of a 96 hour jail sentence from a DUI (my second), I have been a slave to IRS lawyers and now my Bankruptcy attorney. Don't worry it gets better.
The stress keeps mounting and the anxiety keeps getting worse. The end result is no appetite. None. I go to these BBQ events and I take a few bites and can't eat a thing. The only positive thing I have going for me is; being that there is nothing to do in the San Fernando Valley I found myself at the gym everyday doing Zumba and Body Pump classes at the 24hr Fitness in Santa Clarita. Since September 5th I have gone from 238 pounds to 193 pounds. That is a total of 44 pounds in exactly 3 months, I'm in the best shape in my life.
I should be feeling pretty great about myself, right? No, I sleep on a couch in my office and usually only get out of the house for the gym, my group anxiety workshop on Fridays, and the occasional bowling night with a buddy. I hate being alone. I am extremely codependent and I have no one to center my life around to be my source of security, happiness, and self worth.
So when I returned from The American Royal in Kansas City, being the obsessive codependent that I am, I fell in love with a beautiful Latin women I got to know really well over Facebook. We hit the ground running for a full 2 weeks. I was in heaven, not to mention she was beautiful, a huge MEAT ME fan, and loved the exact same things I do. It was one of those "To good to be true". I gave up everything tying to protect this feeling. Then, SURPRISE! She disappeared. Ultimately my emotional insecurity, need, and dependency scared her away and left me destroyed.
I spent so much time worrying if she really liked me, if she felt the same way, what did every word, text, and look mean. My biggest fear was losing her and being alone. The very thing I was trying to control happened and it was my own fault.
I got sick with strep throat and was laid out for the last 2 weeks, it forced me to realize that my life needed to change. I was a wreck at my last anxiety work shop and I needed to figure out how to get myself back. I needed to focus on me. While listening to Love Line on KROQ with Dr. Drew Pinsky one night on my way home from the gym, I heard someone call in with the same issue I had "relationship retardation" they recommended the book Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself.
I got it. It made me realize that I spend about 90% of my brain worrying about things I can't control and letting others control me by trying to fix them. People are who they are, you either accept them or move on. This is what I am asking you to do with me. It is not easy for me be vulnerable and share this with you but I have realized we are often not along and there is someone going through the exact same thing. Being vulnerable is your greatest strength it can only help.
I apologize for depriving you of being current, leaving you hungry and entertaining content. Next Wednesday the 14th I will have episode 4 of the American Royal up for you to enjoy.
That will be followed by:
3 More episodes of the American Royal Featuring El Fuego Fiasco
3 Cooking Episodes with Ari Elle Johanna from "Things I Make In My Kitchen"
1 Episode of Christie's Butterfly Walk and Slater's 50/50
1 Santa Anita BBQ Competition
1 Episode featuring "The Great Meat Cookbook"
I appreciate your time and listening to me. This is my therapy and you guys have always been the greatest part about MEAT ME. I appreciate all of your love and support. Now I hope to be my best you.
aka MEAT ME