Make It a 3 by 3, Spread ONLY... Fries, and a Medium Dr. Pepper!!! - In-N-Out Burger / by MEAT ME

And for God sakes put it in a box so I can eat it in my car... That should be rule number one when you go to In-N-Out Burger. Whenever you order In-N-Out Burger through the drive-thru, always get it in a box to eat in the car. If you don't, they put it in a bag and they place a napkin over your cheeseburger. Its like wearing your underwear around your head… you just don’t do it. Cause then... your cheese is stuck to your napkin... then that’s stuck to your cheese paper… Ugggg. Its just a mess and easily avoidable. They do this to keep the cheese from sticking to the bottom of your fries. It’s their only flaw so I put up with it.

Today’s options were workin’ on the car with the boys… Or with only 2 hours of sleep in me, enjoy some drive thru In-N-Out Burger. The latter won.

With every great cheeseburger comes a great experience. You can tell by the young man standing on the grassy knoll in front of the drive thru. Gazing as he preps himself to serve the greatest war ever… MEAT!!! Pure 100% USDA approved goodness.

As cows are sacred in India, In-N-Out is sacred to American's. Its the Fort Knox of Burgers.

Now you can read reviews all day… or you can take the necessary steps to guarantee that you will have the best “burger-sperience”. This is what I strive to do at every In-N-Out Burger Restaurant.  It’s a sacred ritual, so respect it. If you over indulge in anything this heavenly… you may just kill it for yourself. Just as I did with PBn’J. (RIP Mrs. Smuckers & Mr. Skippy you are dearly missed.)

There are scriptures called out on the bottom of the cups and the bottom of the burger wrappers. Its no secret, but you wont find anything about it on the website. As a child I knew there was something special about this place, and it being my Dads favorite, I knew it had to be mine too. My Mom wasn’t so thrilled about us eating junk food. When my Dad told her he was gonna take me to hear some scripture, I knew exactly where we were going.  Though I was only 5 years old, I could never see over his giant Lincoln Continental dashboard. I say, “Dad are we there yet?”...  “Yea get out!”, he'd say.

But I knew he was bluffin’!

We’d pull up to the long drive thru, order, and all the way up to the window I learned about patience.  We’d get our food and drinks, he’d sip, look under his cup and say, “John 3:16, And it was GOOD!” And from that point on my understanding of addiction was born…

So respect it!!!

It is way faster to go thru the drive thru, than it is to order from the walk up window. Everyone has his or her own opinion, but I, have actually timed it. So don’t fight me on this. I don’t know what it is, but there must be some drive thru priority thing-a-ma-jig that favors people in car. Go figure…

In-N-Out Burger has its own language. I wouldn’t know how to explain it, you’ll just have to figure it out on your own.  They do have their “Not So Secret Menu”, which is on the website. Here is what I do know. Spread = Thousand Island, its their own recipe just like everything else on the menu (I say “spread only” on mine because I don’t like the vegie stuff). 3 by 3 = 3 patties and 3 slices of cheese. The largest they go is 4 by 4. They used to go larger, but someone screwed it up for all of us. Don’t look at me! Back in the day the largest I had was a 9 by 9 (on a dare) and yes… I ate it all, with a shake and fries to top it off… God how I miss High School so much. I was a champ I tell you... A CHAMP!!!

Everything, and I mean everything, (except for the ketchup of course) is either raised, or grown by In-N-Out growers. The salt, potatoes, buns, lettuce, tomato, and cows. They control all of it. Not only that, they bring it to you... Fresh… Daily. You can’t find a restaurant chain like this anywhere else.  They are not organic or processed. They are what I call él naturál.

So with moderation in mind, I order the 3x3 (cause 4 would be too much) spread only. No veggies. I just need the cheese and spread as a lubricant to help get the savory meat down. Add a simple order of Fries (No need to get the French involved in this one). Some people like the “well done fries”. I like them soft. Why over cook them? Half the time I end up with the left over “well doneies” from the last order. So stop it please! You are ruining it for everyone.  99.9% of the time I get the Diet Coke. For some reason, cosmic or otherwise, I prefer the Dr. Pepper. It may just be to balance all the spread I put on after-the-fact…

Yeah! Shut up! I'm not finished... I'm really passionate about this stuff (This fight with myself may have just resulted from low blood sugar). 

That is the final step… Ask for the extra spread at the window. Once they have smiled and sent you on journey of happiness, pull over (don’t drive, come on… safety people!!!).

Stop and Enjoy It!

Squeeze out a little bit of spread over every bite of burger. While chewing grab 2-3 fries shove those in. Once your oral cement mixer is primed take a sip of that sugary soda and repeat these steps over and over again. Until you can’t get out of the car, or are full, its your choice.

Remember “X” marks the spot (look for the crossed palm trees out front).

As I rub my sacred Buda Belly and pay homage to "THE" Burger (not just "A" burger). MEAT ME

For the directions to your nearest In-N-Out Burger go to the following link.

P.S. All locations have out door seating and are pet friendly. You can even order “Doggie Patties” plain burger patties. No salt or pepper just for the dogs.

Sean Rice