Auto Repeat Retards and $6 Dollar Shit!!! / by MEAT ME

 Its 12:30 pm in the afternoon. I just woke up after being up till 7am working and my ass is starving. What to do… What. To. Do. I know I am out of diet coke so I have to hit Rite Aid and then who the hell knows.  I am getting ready and Buddy the pit-bull is driving me crazy. He obviously has the “cabin fever” and wants out. Buddy always gets what he wants so he’s going.

Locked up and ready to go we hit the Rite Aid on Sunset and Fairfax. I don’t know if this is a new thing but for the last 2 days they have had a parking attendant. Now if you have ever been to this Rite Aid you would know that this is the most messed up thing that they could ever have done. It takes me 20 minutes to buy a diet coke and now they have just added 10 more. Even when they have cashiers at every counter there is still a line to isle 12. So your wait is usually substantial, but at least you have the weird, the crazy, and the attractively over dressed "people of West Hollywood" to keep you entertained for that first 10 minutes.

So now I am at the register and of course with my enhanced A.D.D., due to lack of sleep, I forget about their wonderful new policy of getting validated. So I have to run out to my car with 48 diet cokes. Look for my ticket, that just happens to be in my back pocket.  Piss off the incompetent attendant who can’t remember that I grabbed a ticket from him 10 minutes ago. Walk back into the store and get greeted “Hello welcome to Rite Aide!” by same auto repeat retard who said “Good Bye” to me 35 seconds ago. All of this leaving me standing in front of all 4 store associates ignoring the fact that I have a mother fucking yellow ticket, that they know damn well, needs a shitty ass stamp. Finally someone stamps me, and now I gotta go hand the attendant the ticket when I should have shoved it directly up his ass!

It shouldn’t say “Rite Aid” out front! It should say, “Come and kill yourself right, the fuck, now!” That is exactly what I wanted to do when I was trying to get out of there. Seriously people... Customer service is 50% of the experience! How many times do I have to say this?

The economy sucks right now! Most people are having a hard time going out and spending money. Especially when it comes to things that they need. If we could make at least, that little bit of an experience, that much more enjoyable. It might just entice us to spend a little more money at the store. How do they expect this economy to ever get better?

Movin’ on. I have better things to do… I thought!

So Buddy and I are headed down Santa Monica Blvd., I need to eat, I may get hostile. Looking… Looking… Looking… Nothin’. I finally get to La Brea and I say, "Screw it Carls Jr. it is!". I am just going to have to take one for the team. At this point I have got a knot for a stomach.

I pull up to the drive thru. Normally I get the Super Star with cheese hold the veggies etc. etc. Nope, this time I need something bigger. Like the $6 Onion, Bacon, Cheeseburger! But do I really want those giant fried onion rings on my burger? I am too tired to say other wise, I can just take them off later. In a matter of seconds they greet me, I order, I get to the window, I am greeted again… Boom! Food in the car and I am ready to go. Ya see how easy that was Rite Aid. 90 seconds and no one got suicidal!!!

Then there was the smell… As you can see Buddy was even like WTF!

So I get home. Buddy’s happy, I’m happy… Kinda. I pull everything out on the counter and that giant $6 burger I was building anticipation for what wasn’t even worth a buck fifty. The patty was half the size of the picture. The bacon was limp and the onion rings were so damn small they couldn’t even double as an engagement ring! So unfortunately FAST FOOD and I are getting a divorce! I have learned my lesson of "guaranteed utter disappointment towards instant oral satisfaction".

At that point I wanted to take the bag and put it over my head.

The taste was not horrible, but neither is tooth-paste and you would never eat that. Ever! I did not finish this meal and hopefully this shit burger, wrapped in shit paper, in this shit bag will never touch my lips ever again!

So chances are, if it looks like shit, smells like shit, and takes as long as a shit… The shit probably ain’t worth it, and if you disagree... you can MEAT ME!

You can visit Rite Aid @

You can visit Carl’s Jr @

No, Thank you,
Sean Rice aka MEAT ME!